I’ve been thinking lately about truth, and I realized that truth is very uncertain, for how can we claim to know what we know when we don’t know it? I’m sorry if this entry isn’t as entertaining as the other entries I have posted but I feel like a little philosophy today, lest you all think that I’m just an oversexed rich kid rebelling from his catholic upbringing. The truth is, how do you all know that what I write is the truth? For all you know it’s all a lie, I could be a working class kid living in a trailer somewhere in Texas, never even been to Europe, how do I know who I am, in the end a good liar falls into a great trap, where the person successfully lies to himself. My friends they don’t really know me, for all they know I could be lying about my sex life, none of them actually saw me having sex, I could be lying about my sexuality, no one of them has ever seen me with another guy, all the have is my word of mouth. For all I know I could be straight! Maybe I am lying to myself about my sexuality, how would I ever know the truth? And even if I do know the truth, how do I know if that truth is true? The more we complicate ourselves the harder it is to remember who we really are.

I don’t like where my thoughts took me today, they’ve confused me, and they’ve also revealed to me that the stability I’ve created for myself is very fragile, and in blunt terms, it is an illusion. That’s really interesting; I feel this strange coldness I get inside every time my awareness is expanded. It’s like a detachment; I’m not sure how to classify it, its like steel in a way, I don’t feel very human inside, I find no emotions, and yet it doesn’t distress me, in a way it comforts me I find it soothing and almost magical, trance like in a way. I’ve babbled enough now, sorry this entry is somber, but I am left wide eyed in thought.

Ok, here's the deal, it has been eleven days since I last had sex, and I reached the frustrated phase…I think I’m a sex addict, I mean I am only 18 and I’ve had more sexual experiences (from the bizarre to the delicious) then most adults did, I wonder why though? Every time I try to analyze myself I end up just brushing it off, so I will attempt to do it in writing so there is no running away from it.

Here is goes: Why the sex? Why is it necessary? Why do I get depressed if I don’t have it for so long? Why is it I can turn anything sexual? Its probably I form of rebellion from my family, the thing I’m not one of those Goth wannabe Emo’s. I am a normal happy kid that likes a good fuck now and then. As you can see I don’t consider myself an adult, I am only 18 I know I am still a kid, and that I still have a lot of emotional and intellectual growth to do.

My parents are strong catholics, and both of them are hypocrites to their religions, my mother to a lesser extent. M father on the other had goes to Cannes where he enjoys girlfriends and call girls, while my mother is narcissistic, thinking that she is deserving, and has a greater destiny, and the she is “special” and she is perfect in everything, from beauty to dance to intelligence, while in reality she isn’t, it amuses me seeing her trying to play with my head, I play along to make her happy, after all I’m all she’s got. I wonder if it is my family life that drove me to homosexuality, if it is then THANK GOD (I know, how ironic) that I’m gay, I laugh sometimes when I think what would my father, a conservative catholic billionaire do if he finds out his son is a liberal atheist homosexual that wants to live life crazy and die young! I think 50 or 60 is old enough for me, I wouldn’t want to be dependant. OMG! Even in writing I’ve managed to steer away from the analysis I was supposed to do!! LOL…respect (btw I think I narcissistic to).

I guess the sexuality is my little world, the orgies, the kinkiness, everything, I guess it’s a little world I’ve created, and the thing I enjoy most about sex is the physical contact, the intimacy, in my lifestyle parents and family members are cold, I was raised by a series of governesses, my mother busy entertaining, and my father in business and in Cannes with his many women (I am not resentful, I know that it is our lifestyle, and I am far from being the only one, I am not part of it, I have my own world, so what they do doesn’t affect my emotionally). I think it is that coldness that led to me craving intimacy, and I fond it in its easiest form—sex.

So,here's the deal, I decided that I wanted some anonymous sex, so I went off to the pleasuredome in Waterloo, there I paid the fee, went into the changing room, got naked infront of 5 naked guys and went to tan for a few minutes. I wrapped the towel around my waste and went into the sauna. I ended up in this room with a hot tub, in which were sevral naked guys, one just stepped out and was hung..grrr btw.

I decided that I wanted to sweat a bit, for added sexiness, you know, make my skin nice and salty. Grrr... LOL so I go there and pose infront of the door (which was glass, to my horror this older guy (to old like in his 50's) comes in and sits under me, where he puts his head under my towel and basically looks at my cock, which disturbs me. I ignore him, and I am like, let the guy do his thing, as long as he doesnt touch, so this other guy comes in and he tries ti establish eye contact, I ignor him because he doesnt interest me, so when I am sweaty enough I just leave the place, and head to the "maze".

It's basically a winding corridor, with rooms (more like closets) all around, I stand in the corridor, and I pose, I never felt so desired before!! So many guys tried to establish contact, but I had my eyes on this guy who had an amazing body! He smiled back to me but kept going in circle for some reason. So this hot guy comes up to me and I smile to him, he walks up, saying nothing and makesout with me grrr...I hold the position, sexing up my face, his hand is all over my ass now, and then he signals me to follow him, and we go to a room. There we have sex, the guy has such a HUGE cock! But I was good, at one point (When I was doing face down ass up position) he cock slaps my ass and balls!! I was like WTF (but not outloud) so I let freaky boy do his thing (whatever turns him on LOL) and I do my thing, he ends up swallowing my cum, it was a nice fuck altogether.

After that I go to the showers, where I want to wash up (BTW after getting out of the room there were sooo many guys listening to our room! I was shocked when I came out) there I find a few guys, next thing I know we are all having shower sex!!!! Soon MANY guys join us, there must have been more that 20!! I looooved it! All and all it was nice, I depleated my sexual energy though! I want to do it again soon!

Ok, here’s the deal now I was going through www.amazon.co.uk when I came across a book called “Blow Him Away: How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex”, ok so one of the claims of this “informative and helpful” book is that skill in sex comes “from practice”, that’s bullshit!!!! Ok, the first time I had sex I knew everything naturally from blowing to rimming. The book says it “doesn’t come naturally” bullshit! Ok its either you have that natural agility in bed or you don’t, there’s no “experience” LOL! It’s just a scam to help people with low self-esteem!!

I remember the first time I had a cock in my mouth! As soon as it was in, my tongue knew what to do, and I knew exactly how to suck and where to suck. I also knew how to deep throat naturally, and I knew how to properly swallow, I tell you this is an insult, they think everyone is good at sex, it’s a skill! An art! Not some third degree “function”.

Ok, here's the deal, I am on holyday, but the friend I'm with cancels, so I am left alone, with a lot of designer club clothing and no one with me, so I decide to go alone. So I get dressed and I go to XXXXXXX i stand near the bar and I am browsing the surroundings, i order a certain sexy drink, and i drink it exuding sex, my only goal that night was sex. So i am there in the tacky décor, listening to cheesy music, when i make eye contact with this random guy, he comes up to me and we start talking. Whatever, i give him a fake age, and invite him to go dancing...HE COULDNT DANCE FOR SHIT!

I admit that when it comes to "gay scene dancing" I am quite gifted so i did flirted dancing steps, and the guy literally mimicked me like i was playing fucking Simon says! Now i cringe, but i bare it in, because the guy is cute, and has a nice ass. We dance, whatever, at one point all we are doing is making out. we are having serious tongue action on the dance floor, he has his eyes closed and mine are open, so he puts his hand on my cock and he feels that its hard, i try to feel his and nothing, so naturally i am embarrassed, i must admit that I am oversexed.

An hour later he asks if I wanted to go elsewhere. I said sure, and asked him if he knew anywhere private, he didn’t so i mentioned that my hotel is near by, he grins, and i get horny just thinking of the possibilities. So we arrive at the hotel, the concierge gives me a cheeky grin, i just smile and take him to the elevator, so we reached my floor, and i take him to the room, next thing i know he comes back from my bathroom having brushed his teeth, i lie on the bad and pull him on me, we are now making out, i have classic music playing, and my lights are dimmed. We take off our clothes whatever, my eyes are closed in pleasure, so i feel him take my cock in his mouth, i let him work me for a bit and then I decide that its my turn (he wasn’t particularly gifted). THE DUDE ISNT EVEN HUNG! So i am shocked now. I get on him and start licking down his body making my way to his cock, i take it in my mouth and use all the skill I have (Which is a lot) so he manages to get something close to a bonner, average size, good thickness. so i turn him over and start eating his ass, he looses his booner!! He eats my ass, still no bonner, while i am so hard its like metal! So he asks me if I want to penetrate him i say ok, he puts a condom on me and we start, He says he hasnt done it a lot, i see that he is unnaturally nervous, so i charm him to calm down, he asks me if it will hurt?! I say not if you relax, so i put in the head and he says no, its too painful, i dont fight, i take it out, then it hit me...HE WAS A GAY VIRGIN! HE NEVER HAD GAY SEX BEFORE!!!

I keep trying to turn him on, i try everything literally, even sex in the bathtub, i see he pays attention to my feet, so I try to play footsie with his, nothing. I felt soooo inadequate, and he kept saying he was sorry!!! OMG!!! He literally asked me if it ever happened to me (Definitely not!) but I say yes to try and make him relax, no hope, i end up enjoying it all...Next morning i walk him out after a joint shower and a quick morning oral fuck. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHY ME!!??!!!!

Ok, here’s the deal, I went with a very good friend of mine to a sex shop, this isn’t the first time, but this time we took our time and look through a lot of the things available...Seriously, some of the stuff was just disturbing! There was like a giant dildo, seriously the cocks head must have been larger than a baby's! My friend saw it she was like: "Wow, that thing can't fit! Do some people actually use it??!" Overall it was funny, we went to the sex clothing part of the shop, it was very interesting, my friend wanted handcuffs for her boyfriend, but none of those available would fit for a guy.

Now here's the sick bit, we went to the movies place, and we were browsing nicely, we went to the gay place, and started browsing, there were desperate house boys! LOL! and other rip-offs’ of famous movies and shows, it was funny, though my friend looked at the back on one of them and saw for the first time rimming!! LOL you should have seen her face!! So since i had extra loose change we decided to go watch a movie in those little booths. It was disgusting!! The two of us were in that little room that fits for one, watching weird porno! We laughed at it so much, I am sure in the future we will still remember this and laugh at it all, it was hilarious. I love that girl.

Later on we got out of the shop, and we watched men picking up prostitutes, it was hilarious, at one point she walked around pretending to be a hooker, and I was pretending to be a guy that picked her up. We only stopped because we were scared some pimp would attack us for being on his "turf". LOL fun times, only with true friends can you have so much fun.

I thought it was common knowledge in the hetrosexual community, but aparently not, it seems hetrosexual guys and girls dont know about rimming. Now I explained it to my hetrosexual friends (males) and they were all shocked, it seems they never expected to find out that gay guys put their tongues in each others anuses.

I tried to explain that it was very pleasurable, and in fact it was one of the things I enjoyed a lot in sex, but it just wouldn't register in with them! The idea of putting their tongue in an ass, or have a tongue in their ass seemed very alien. Its very funny, I wonder if any of them would ever rim a girl, or get rimmed by a girl. They know are aware of the....black kiss...

Ok, this must be "the one" my father literaly told me to speak with a harsher voice, he said that my voice was to low, and not loud enough. Basically what he was saying is (Stop being a fucking fruit!) Now I am amuzed by this, what would he do if he ever found out I was realy gay?! LOL he would probably loose it!! I can never comeout to him, he wouldnt expect it, a little too rednecked for that!

Besides that all has been good, I am getting laid soon enough. Those who know me know what I'm talking about. I am in a good mood today, I was walking around listening to U2's its a beautiful day, I know, how pathetic is that! Still I've had a good day today, I hope it contiues that way, though something in me tells me it wont. Again I could be just pesemistic. Bloging sucks, but for some reason I cant get myself to stop. Signing out, with you...Alias PinkPanther