Ok, here's the deal, it has been eleven days since I last had sex, and I reached the frustrated phase…I think I’m a sex addict, I mean I am only 18 and I’ve had more sexual experiences (from the bizarre to the delicious) then most adults did, I wonder why though? Every time I try to analyze myself I end up just brushing it off, so I will attempt to do it in writing so there is no running away from it.
Here is goes: Why the sex? Why is it necessary? Why do I get depressed if I don’t have it for so long? Why is it I can turn anything sexual? Its probably I form of rebellion from my family, the thing I’m not one of those Goth wannabe Emo’s. I am a normal happy kid that likes a good fuck now and then. As you can see I don’t consider myself an adult, I am only 18 I know I am still a kid, and that I still have a lot of emotional and intellectual growth to do.
My parents are strong catholics, and both of them are hypocrites to their religions, my mother to a lesser extent. M father on the other had goes to Cannes where he enjoys girlfriends and call girls, while my mother is narcissistic, thinking that she is deserving, and has a greater destiny, and the she is “special” and she is perfect in everything, from beauty to dance to intelligence, while in reality she isn’t, it amuses me seeing her trying to play with my head, I play along to make her happy, after all I’m all she’s got. I wonder if it is my family life that drove me to homosexuality, if it is then THANK GOD (I know, how ironic) that I’m gay, I laugh sometimes when I think what would my father, a conservative catholic billionaire do if he finds out his son is a liberal atheist homosexual that wants to live life crazy and die young! I think 50 or 60 is old enough for me, I wouldn’t want to be dependant. OMG! Even in writing I’ve managed to steer away from the analysis I was supposed to do!! LOL…respect (btw I think I narcissistic to).
I guess the sexuality is my little world, the orgies, the kinkiness, everything, I guess it’s a little world I’ve created, and the thing I enjoy most about sex is the physical contact, the intimacy, in my lifestyle parents and family members are cold, I was raised by a series of governesses, my mother busy entertaining, and my father in business and in Cannes with his many women (I am not resentful, I know that it is our lifestyle, and I am far from being the only one, I am not part of it, I have my own world, so what they do doesn’t affect my emotionally). I think it is that coldness that led to me craving intimacy, and I fond it in its easiest form—sex.
