Ok, here's the deal; Alcohol...Alcohol...Alcohol...Evil Alcohol...Bad...Evil...Irresistible...Why me?!! Ok to understand the situation fully, you will have to understand the past, there was this guy that is part of the circles I hang around, only I didn't know him that well. So one day I was laying in a day bed watching a movie after a party (I was insomniac) and he comes in and starts watching, only he sits n the ground near me. At one point he says its too cold and invites himself on the day bed with me and comes under my blanket. One thing leads to another and he are making out, then barabim baraboom. he gets all weird about it and claims he was straight and just creates overall drama. I cant stand drama so I list him on my hate list. That was the end of it all.

XXX

Yesterday however was another party, and we are both there dancing and all completely intoxicated, he says to me "I want to talk to you", I say sure, so I am following him, in the way out a close friend of mine see's us and tries to stop me (he knew the earlier story), but he didn want to make it obvious. So we go to talk, he tells me how he was bi and stuff like that, I was like whatever. so we start walking and we end up in a construction yard in a half finished building, and we do it. I was like NOOOO! Now I will not approach him until he does so first, I do not want any drama, so I will leave it to him.

Ok, here’s the deal. I think I’m sick of anonymous sex. This is disgusting, me out of all people (If you knew me you would understand), I am growing a soul?! Since when?!! This can’t be happening to me…I don’t want people to know I have a heart (No matter how small and shriveled)! I find myself at night thinking about love, and the possibilities of a boyfriend…

I’m a capitalist for Gods sake!! I can’t “have emotions” this is a disaster, it will destroy my life as I know it!! Love is a position of weakness, it is at a state of lowered guarded, with no control and no inhibitions, that’s not me!! I’m a manipulative controlling son of a bitch! Help people, what should I do to get rid of these “emotions”?

OK, so here's the deal, first I would like to apologize for not writing in so long, but as you know the social seaso started babies! To the point: at the start of september I went yachting with a few family friends, and there was a formal party going on at one guy from our social groups yacht . So there I was all dressed formally and prettied out, ready for so e boring chit chat and a lot of champagne. The day went as expected, lots of boredom and lots of empty talk and gossip. So I as sitting on my table with a group of people I know when i spot the hottest waiter ever, he had medium length hair and a small beard, he was tall and very broad, he looked like those guys they have drown in cliché romance novels. I was drooling!

So I play the coy game (my gaydar already picked him up as a fellow fairy), i started with the eye games, I decided on the classical seduction; the drop gaze--lift intense, smile routine, and it worked like a charm, next thing I know him and I are walking to the staff quarters, where after dutifully locking the door he was on the desk and I was on my knees using my oral skills at their max. Now I wanted him to give me a little gift (If you know what I mean) but lets just say his generosity was way too large for my reception (hehehe), so instead I gave him my gift, which if I may say so he took like a man. He had amazing oral skills, we both learned a lot orally that day.

In the end when all was done, and my clothes were back on, we dispersed, he did want to give my his number (on a small sheet of paper) but I just walked on slowly, stopped at the door, looked back at him smiling and said "Darling if you give it to me I'm afraid I will loose it" to which I laughed gently and walked on without looking back, I LOVED it!